Profile #3

Profile #3: Chief Brent "Slim" Schleicher

"I have nothing to write about me, write something for me. I am not creative. And i have to clean some sand out of my groinal region..."- Chief Slim

Well the leaders will have to write this one for the Chief. Chief Slim was added to the trail for a variety of reasons. 1) He is an indian and knows the land. 2) He is an indian and knows the land. 3)"write something stupid"-Juice. 4)He knows the tall tale of Injine Roni. z) He is awesomeness and this trip would be a bust without having him on the trail.

We found Slim in Missouri with his bride to be and she was looking for a new job since the little one would be coming in the next couple of years and the current job did not have a proper childcare plan. When the opportunity came for a trip out west and a way to start a new life Chief Slim jumped on board.

We looked over his resume and we were highly impressed. He had a bachelors degree from the Mystic Lake in slot machines, a grad degree in something called a computer (we think this is a slang term for the peace pipe a sacred object of the tribes) and he knows how to put the food down. He took down 13 people in a people pie eating contest and they were about 50 pies behind him so we had to take him. We also heard that he can chug a mean beer and figured this guy would be good to have on the trip.

We must also mention his size. After the pie eating contest we saw Chief Slim walk out and get called something like pepperoni something-rother. He proceeded to wrestle the @#$%^&U*I( out of these guys. There must have been 20 guys looking to take him down and in the end there was only one...and it was him.)

It is safe to say Slim is the muscle of the group. When something is not going right all we have to do is put the big guy out there and he will rip them a new one. Among other things he is looking to find on the way to Oregon is the Chicks. I think i heard him say that Chicks dig guys who go on wagon trails west with 4 other dudes. He then proceeded to say i am a golden god while standing on top of the wagon. He may have had some peyote or just a little drunk from all the food.


Regardless here is a drawing so you can get an idea of how big he is, as well as this shoe he traded away for a Billy the Kid trading card.

The ghost of Andy haunts us!!

I do not believe in ghosts. I do not believe in ghosts. Repeat with me. I do not believe in ghosts.

I have to keep telling myself this because some of the recent events we've encountered have been extraordinary. It's documented that we visited a grave site recently. The five of us couldn't stop laughing at Andy's tombstone. We spent the entirety of the afternoon conjuring up funnies related to the inscription of "Here lies andy, peperony and chease".

BIG MISTAKE.

As we left the grave site we headed back towards the original trail. After 45 minutes of travel we circled back to where we started. It was one of those unexplainable oddities that's straight out of a horror film. It was getting dark and we had travelled most of the day as we approached the grave site. We decided to call it a night and staked down.

BIGGER MISTAKE.

In the middle of the night a fire broke out in the wagon. We lost 4 sets of clothes and lost and/or damaged our spare wagon parts. You might think, get the F*%& out of dodge, but silly me, I just blamed Jason and his pyrotechnics.

The following morning we studied carefully our path of choice and set off. Again, we circled back to where we started. To make a long story short, we were starting to panic. Ok, now its time to get the F*%& out of dodge.

But wait, the never ending circle lasted the entirety of day #2. We sat down and planned our escape. We were rather exausted both mentally and physically so we decided we'd take an entire day to set up defenses against Andy and this haunted marsh while planning our escape. Day 3 went by very slowly as none of us got much sleep. Our general health has dropped to a level of "Fair" as suggested by Neal. But what would he know? He's only a doctor. Or maybe he just plays one on TV. Not sure really.

Day Four we started by offering peace and food to the ghost of Andy. About mid day the skies cleared up and we took it as a sign to leave. We thought we were in the clear. We finally got to our original trail and Andy sent us one more goodbye gift.

One of our wheel's broke on the wagon. Good thing that fire wrecked our spare parts!

Why we keep on keepin on

One thing the entire team tries to avoid during this trip is death. Yeah, death as you would assume probably sucks. But today we came across an old grave site and decided to look around. Boy are we glad we did!!

We knew there'd be a few good laughs on this trip and today the biggest of them came when were were checking out the grave site (yeah, what kind of sickos check out grave sites??).

Sorry Andy, but you may have lead a great life, but you wouldn't know from your tombstone. I'll ignore the typos entirely just to question why you would even bother putting your favorite pizza toppings on your new permanent front porch??? I mean c'mon. The standard procedure is to specify your name, birth year and death year along with those that you were survived by.

THIS, is not how any of us want to go out. But you know, I doubt little that any of us would hesitate to get one good last laugh at each other if we did die.

If you must know, this is why I keep on keepin on. RIP Andy!

West side connection

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Wagons East

I awoke this morning without any recollection of how the trip has been going. While i was sleeping i dreamt i was in this land where animals talked to me and there was a Lion who ruled over all. The weird thing was he licked my face. I think i was supposed to say thank you but instead i licked his face back. It turns out all i has to say was thank you, where were you on that one Garth?


So far the land has been pretty boring. We went by this lady and started whistling at her and offering her beads and for some reason the guys started shooting their guns at us! I mean what was the big idea we were just trying to trade some beeds, we heard women like jewelry. Did they think we wanted something else? Maybe someday women will want to trade something for beads like a piece of bread or some fruit, but for now we will just have to expect to trade with people who understand us a little better.


I am attaching this picture I drew of us on the trail. I think i really got a lifelike drawing here as none of us have a mustache, and what the hell...there is a leprechaun in the picture as well. That must mean imaginationland is true and therefore terrorists are attacking my imagination. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO..wait i did not draw that picture, i think jason did...

Here is the picture i drew:

The order from left to right is Juice, Jason, Slim, Neal and Robin.

Juice has the hat because was the only one smart enough to get one on this stage of the trip. Jason's hair is spikey and i have no idea how he does it, but somehow it is always styled. Chief Slim has the feather because he caught a phesant last week and liked the feather. Neal has the mustache because Neal is a player represent! Robin has chops because he just does.

Some other things to observe in this picture is the newly installed tap on the side of the wagon. We got this deal in Missouri with this beer place called Budweiser. They were not all that huge but said if we shard some tasty brew on the trail they would help us out along the way. So we put a tap on it and the party wagon has never been better! We celebrated hence all the booze sitting out. Also note the fish. I swear they were smiling at me. This drawing was done after a bit of celebrating getting to the river, but i felt it captured the mood when we got to the river.

I don't want to get cocky or anything, but caulking and floating across was a cinch. We had no trouble whatsoever. Some of these others who paid for the ferry, well I think they're just that; ferry's.

On a more serious note. There have been grumblings that the rest of the crew is getting anxious and impatience with me as the wagon leader. They just want to get on with the travels, but I'm looking out for our safety. But you know, I can be a grumpy bitch too so when we wake up tomorrow and start our travels we're kicking it back up to a grueling pace. I'll show them whose boss. See if anyone complains now. They know that I rule with an iron fist and one testicle.

The fish we had at the Kansas River was fantastic, but a bit of advice. Never eat fish before you go clubbing, dawg!!!

Another delay!!???

It's not like we're flying commercial here. The delays keep mounting. This time we've approached the Kansas River as I previously posted. Here's a little knowledge: The river is currently 674 feet across and 11 feet deep in the middle.

The ferry operator told us that trying to ford any river deeper than the wagon bed -- about two and a half feet -- would be a very bad idea. We'll lose supplies and perhaps our lives.

Hiring the ferry isn't an option. We only have $4.00 and this trip has only just begun. We'll probably attempt to caulk the wagon bed and float it across. But the previous stranger I asked mentioned his concern with rain. And well, the conditions right now, according to the weather station, are very rainy. We're going to wait a day and see if conditions improve. The guys could use the rest after our grueling pace. Unfortunately, I think to make up for yet another delay, we'll likely start our trip out at a strenuous pace once we get across the river.

And if that wasn't enough, these boots are giving me sores on my feet and I think I heard Jason say he has a bad case of shin splints. Neal is battling a mild case of Plantar Fasciitis. Slim's going strong using his skills of the land. Rob seems in good spirits as he's met a few guys who like to throw a pie plate around. The label said "Frisbee".